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Sep. 1st, 2006 11:22 am5 Ways Harry and Draco will never get together (even in a fanfic!) for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aldebaran1977
Jesus. I hope none of these have happened in fanfic, but I honestly wouldn't be too surprised.
1. AU. Harry and Draco are Siamese twins. They are sorted into different Houses, and Harry is still the Boy Who Lived, and they still fight all the time, but at the end of the day they have each other. Also they're awesome at quidditch because they have four hands, but they have to alternate teams so neither Gryffindor nor Slytherin has much of an advantage.
2. Draco's penis is the final Horcrux. Harry has to keep sucking Voldemort's essence out. Every day for the rest of their lives.
3. After the war, Draco is destitute and is forced to join a Muggle boy band to survive. And then, I don't know, maybe they have this single that goes to No. 1 on the British pop charts, and Harry hears it on the radio all the time and he can't get it out of his head, so he's always singing it to himself, but it turns out Draco accidentally embedded a subliminal love charm in it so they're somehow bonded for life. There's a lot of sex in alleyways behind clubs and on tourbuses. (I'm not entirely sure this is unlikely enough not to happen in fanfic.)
4. I'm struggling here. I admit it. Maybe, um, Draco and Harry are dead, but they've had magical portraits painted, and something happens to Draco's portrait so he has to take refuge in Harry's, and they fight all the time, but then the portrait goes to be restored and the restorer is so sick of listening to them argue that he uses a bunch of the wrong ingerdients on the portrait, and it works like a love potion.
5. Circa 2018, when same-sex relationships have become the norm, Scholastic will have the HP books rewritten, revamping Ginny Weasley's and Draco Malfoy's roles. There will be widespread public outrage at the desecration of a classic. (Shiloh Jolie-Pitt will play the evil Ginny Weasley, illegitimate daughter of Voldemort and serpent in the Weasley bosom. Sean Preston Spears Federline will play Draco Malfoy, son of Order spy Lucius Malfoy, and Harry's love interest.)
aldebaran1977Jesus. I hope none of these have happened in fanfic, but I honestly wouldn't be too surprised.
1. AU. Harry and Draco are Siamese twins. They are sorted into different Houses, and Harry is still the Boy Who Lived, and they still fight all the time, but at the end of the day they have each other. Also they're awesome at quidditch because they have four hands, but they have to alternate teams so neither Gryffindor nor Slytherin has much of an advantage.
2. Draco's penis is the final Horcrux. Harry has to keep sucking Voldemort's essence out. Every day for the rest of their lives.
3. After the war, Draco is destitute and is forced to join a Muggle boy band to survive. And then, I don't know, maybe they have this single that goes to No. 1 on the British pop charts, and Harry hears it on the radio all the time and he can't get it out of his head, so he's always singing it to himself, but it turns out Draco accidentally embedded a subliminal love charm in it so they're somehow bonded for life. There's a lot of sex in alleyways behind clubs and on tourbuses. (I'm not entirely sure this is unlikely enough not to happen in fanfic.)
4. I'm struggling here. I admit it. Maybe, um, Draco and Harry are dead, but they've had magical portraits painted, and something happens to Draco's portrait so he has to take refuge in Harry's, and they fight all the time, but then the portrait goes to be restored and the restorer is so sick of listening to them argue that he uses a bunch of the wrong ingerdients on the portrait, and it works like a love potion.
5. Circa 2018, when same-sex relationships have become the norm, Scholastic will have the HP books rewritten, revamping Ginny Weasley's and Draco Malfoy's roles. There will be widespread public outrage at the desecration of a classic. (Shiloh Jolie-Pitt will play the evil Ginny Weasley, illegitimate daughter of Voldemort and serpent in the Weasley bosom. Sean Preston Spears Federline will play Draco Malfoy, son of Order spy Lucius Malfoy, and Harry's love interest.)
